First and foremost, Happy Holidays! I hope you enjoy whatever it is you do or do not celebrate this time of year… that’s right. If you are like me and just prefer to be boring, then by hell: enjoy being boring! Embrace your boredom! Okay, so I’m not “bored” — I just prefer boring as compared to drama. Yeah. Wow, I really could have simplified that a lot more. Maybe it would have made more sense… oh well. Beware, a long post awaits below!
The sad state of this website will not be fixed any time within the near future, nor do I want to take the time to bother with it. Yes, I always enjoy working on sites and I’d like to see it come to full-fledged life again, but it’s just going to stay in it’s zombie form at the moment. Whenever I say I’m going to work on it, I never do. So now, I’m just going to admit the inevitable and let it sink even further into website death. That’s right–it may be difficult to deal with, but sometimes we just have to let things go. Bah. Honestly, I don’t even know if I’d want to work on the site even if I wasn’t thinking about the new semester coming up or if I wasn’t worried about making sure to get enough work (and yes, I actually do enjoy working) so I can obtain enough money to buy textbooks, school supplies, and so forth. I’m on break at the moment, and I really haven’t messed with the website. I stare at it and mumble something incoherently about Wordpress and move on. I’ve toyed with some of the themes/layouts, but I don’t like any of them enough to stick with permanently. Oh well. However, I do like being able to just instantly post something whenever I like… so I guess I do like the idea of a blog even though in some ways I find it pointless. <-- Yes, my whole life is a contradiction just like this statement. I'm not the "walking oxymoron" for nothing. I suppose my point is something along the lines of, I'll make time for twitter (not because it's a fad, but because it's simple and FAST) for updates and will come here when I want to rant.
Now, I do want to talk about games. As I may have mentioned in some previous posts, I was "obsessed" (keep in mind, I didn't play nearly as much as other people who play for hours on end every day) with Rappelz for awhile throughout the summer and fall semester. While I still enjoy the game, it also pisses me off because it’s just not as fun as it was first starting out. It suddenly became more effort and work than pleasure and enjoyment. I don’t know about you guys, but I want the efforts I put into games to turn out beneficial. I want something from the time I put into games, and while Rappelz has its positives–it just doesn’t give me the satisfactory or rewarding feeling I get when playing console or hell, even pc games I pay for (like Oblivion). At the urgings of a couple of friends, I have recently taken up Perfect World (I play on the private European server because my friends live in the UK and wanted me to be able to play with them). It has a lot more variety than Rappelz and you could be entertained for a lifetime… but I find it tedious and boring unless you have friends around your same level to chat and play with. I was under the belief MMOs were supposed to be fun!
I’m really starting to turn sour towards MMOs. Most of the people who play these games have no lives what-so-ever and somehow have goo-gobs of real money to put into these *FREE* games. It defeats the entire purpose. Now, I’m not an excellent gamer… but I do like to win every now and then; if other people are able to achieve “winning” a lot more quickly like in ever other stupid game I’ve ever played then I see no point in playing them. Hell, even I can win something on other games from time to time… Also, I’m not saying I have a life… but damn, at least I have other interests and from time to time do get out of the house. I’m not an avid people person, but I do enjoy the friends I have and we occasionally have our own small gatherings and have fun. Good times. In summary: MMOs like Rappelz and Perfect World are great, but why waste time to achieve nothing? I like to see results. At least with my PS3 games I get trophies and enjoy the story lines of the games… hell, some pre-trophy games are badass (Folklore, anyone? How come no one loves it? It’s an amazing game!). The money and time I’ve put into my ps3, ds, gamecube, and paid for pc games have been worth it while the time (and money) put into the free games has not. Now, this isn’t to say I haven’t met some great people and made fantastic friends–because I have, but I’ve also met just as many (if not more) douche-bags who I could live without. I have to put up with douche-bags in real life, why would I want to in a game that’s based on fantasy or avoiding real life?! Seriously. I have a life and sometimes I choose to escape it by gaming… but damn, sometimes reading a book,writing, or watching a movie is so much better–more satisfying, rewarding.
Want to know a big pet peeve of mine (I have many, but this one annoys me the most by far and EVERYONE does it… even I do on occasion because hey, I’m human too)? It’s how everyone gives thanks from November onwards. Particularly, this month with it being all supposedly religious and all that. Yeah, right. People only choose to make their appreciations and thanks known because the rest of the year they take it for granted and are way too busy to stop for one minute and say thank you. You know–as nice as it may be, it appears hokey and is a bunch of bullshit. Now yes, it would be annoying if people were going around thanking and appreciating each other all the time, but that’s not really what I mean. I wish there was a greater understanding amongst people, or maybe a greater love? I don’t even know. I can’t really express it and not everyone is fortunate enough to experience it. I am talking about the love amongst a family… at least amongst myself and my parents. Yes, since we live in the same house we have our little misunderstandings and disagreements but in the end, we know we all love each other and USUALLY we show our appreciation quite often in some way or manner. Yes, we should do it more… but damn, then that would become monotonous.
There’s just a sort of understanding and acknowledgment that happens amongst good, kind people. Now, there are those who are nasty human beings and don’t have a single good thought about someone other than themselves and for these disgustingly selfish people (and I’m not talking about the average selfish person, I mean those individuals who hold themselves so high above everybody else you can smell their bullshit from a light-year away)–life will kick them in the ass. Life kicks me in the ass, and I’m not THAT bad of a person so I know in some way, it will come back to them. Oh yes, it’s kind of like an “Instant Karma” if you will. I hold on to this thought and hope that it’s true… does it make me a bad person to wish bad karma on these people who are so selfish? Does it make me a hypocrite? Maybe… but damn, I just hate drama and bullshit. Sometimes it just becomes too much and I just have to separate it from the real me, the real Emily. It’s all about balance… as cliche as it is, life really is a balancing act.
In my life, I’ve come into contact with two people who really are nasty–deep down inside. I can’t say one is more corrupt than the other, because through my eyes both are equally screwed up. In fact, I almost feel sorry for these people, but I feel worse for the people who have to tolerate and put up with them. I’m talking about high-functioning know-it-all assholes who make you grit your teeth and jaw even though you shouldn’t because you have TMJ (oh yes, time to get a little personal) and your jaw’s already sore and tight enough to make you want to scream every second of every day. I hate people who cause other people pain–and intentionally. One of these two nasty people does it to get attention while the other does it to make sure he remains the center of attention. Similar, but not identical. Both have no regard for women and mistreat people, particularly women, with hatred. In fact, they tend to have acquaintances rather than friendships. One of these said people doesn’t even believe in friendship. What kind of screwed up philosophy is that? That’s not even a philosophy? It’s been proven through various studies and research that people NEED people. Yes, I’ll be the first to admit I prefer isolation and solitude… but there comes a time when I need social interaction. Why do I prefer to live with my family (minus one particular person)? I feel comforted knowing people I am used to are around at various times… now sometimes they’re around too much, but that can’t really be helped at the moment. That’s another long story for another time.
My point is this: you can’t say you don’t believe in friends, because somewhere along the line… you have, do, or will. You need friends. Most of all, you want friends. In fact, I have a message for this person… GET A LIFE. I say this with minimal anger (I am still slightly angry with this person even though I’ve had no contact with him for years), but with sincerity. Stop being afraid to like people and just admit, you’re not always right. You’re not going to always be right and that’s okay! I actually feel a lot better getting this message out. I believe there is hope for this person despite the hatred they have towards certain people–people they don’t even know. If they would stop trying to control everything and just try to relax, they’d see there’s more to their life than what they’ve made themselves believe. There’s a reality and then there’s a false reality. Learn the difference and you’ll see a lot of traps you placed for yourselves and for those you love and have loved. The other person… I hold no more hope for him because he is a lost cause. I wish the best for him and hope he succeeds, but he’s treated me and others constantly and incessantly badly over many, many years and I desire his removal from my life soon. I’m trying to hang in there and deal with him the best I can (lots of avoidance), but it’s making me a much crabbier person than I already am. Oh, and yes… there are loads of people I dislike and so forth… but these two are probably the only two who are so distorted within themselves. Stop believing the distortion and walk amongst us real folks… you don’t have to be like us, but damn… it’d be nice to not deal with the false crap anymore. This is really making me want to listen to George Harrison’s “Ding Dong Ding Dong.” It’s a great New Year song, you guys should listen to it if you haven’t already (listen here).
I have a lot more ranting to do, but I think I will leave you guys with this and come back later to write some more. 
Feel free to leave some comments, because I always enjoy reading them! I’ll also respond (albeit a little slowly at times) if I’m intrigued enough to do so! Again, Happy Holidays!
